I stepped into my new building for the first time. September 9th, the first day of a new school year.
Not just any school year, my first year at a private school.
I looked around the hallways, noticing some janitors as they swept and mopped the floorboards clean. Overhearing some children laughing and pointing as they take out their fresh, colored notebooks and sharpened pencils. I peered quickly and turned my head, not wanting to be seen by the “cool kids” just yet.
I continued to wander, feeling confident in my new tan khakis and dark blue polo shirt. I felt a swirl of emotions —a mixture of unsettled, overwhelmed, and curious.
I waited anxiously to make new friends, and also longed for the time where I got to go home.
This was the first time I had ever experienced change, that truly unknown place where the dust just never seems to settle — that place where the grey area is nowhere to be found.
“If I don’t know it, it’s not safe” was my mantra for the first few weeks, (OK, months) of school.
Looking back, I say “rightfully so”. Your response was warranted. Normal. It was a huge upheaval and at such a young age, how are you supposed to know how to handle these things?
But as I fast forward to today and think about my relationship with change, I realize it hasn’t shifted all that much. Yes, I’m in an older body and yes, I like to think that I have more clarity but truth be told, the narrative is largely the same,“If I don’t know it, it’s not safe”, and also, “I want to go home”.
It doesn’t seem like a very effective way to deal with change, something that is so common in our everyday lives.
So, I’ve realized this — if I want my relationship with change to be different, I have to be different with it. So I try bringing in a new response…
Where I resist, can I breathe?
Where I hide, can I let myself be seen?
When I’m not sure what to do, can I ask for help?
Change holds a lot of potential. It can be the biggest isolator or the greatest connector. So all I ask of myself moving forward is that I keep my feet on the ground while the mountains are moving around me.
