I used to loveeee trying to be cool. It was my thing. I tried hard to not be myself. To fit in as much as possible.
As you might be able to predict, it was making me miserable. I was depressed, anxious, and upset that I wasn’t being who I truly was. I was trying to fit in, and it was ruining me — mentally, physically, and spiritually.
I felt depleted. Crushed by my own doing. I had no one to blame but myself.
After I moved through all that, I eventually came out the other side.
I decided then and there that I would only seek out friends who weren’t cool. People who didn’t try to be cool, ever. People who were just unapologetically themselves.
My social scenes went from nightclubs and bars to ecstatic dances and cacao ceremonies. No one was trying to be cool at those events.
I started dancing wildly in front of large crowds, not having a care in the world what I looked like, but suddenly caring deeply how I felt.
Weirdly enough, (and I’m not going to say I’m officially cool now), but what happened was that when I sought out places like dance class, where the degree of how unique, free and expansive you were was more appreciated than how “cool” you were, the more free I got.
Just from changing the location I was in and the people I surrounded myself with.
After all of that, I realized I didn’t need to be cool, I already was. All I needed to do was be in places where wild individuality was revered.
The only question I ask myself now is not, “How can I fit in here?” but, “How free can I get?”