I have a lot of self awareness, okay. I’ve been going to therapy for YEARS, digging and digging and healing emotions and past traumas. I understand when my habitual patterns are interfering or even harming myself. I can recognize those patterns and call them out for what they are.
But guess what, I’m still being a little BITCH. I’m still avoiding fear. I’m still doing the same shit I’ve always done (to an extent, not fully) and yes, I’ve come a long way but I need to call myself out for bullshitting myself. I am running around the same problem — FEAR. Instead, what I need to do is look fear in the face and say FUCK YOU — I’m no longer letting you control my life for me.
I need to face it head on and remember that, it’s just a feeling that can be seen, witnessed, managed and overcome. It’s not permanent.
So I’m making a pact, I’m going to do things that scare me. A few times a week sounds doable. I will do the thing, notice the fear, see the fear, call out the fear, and DO IT ANYWAY.
That’s my goal because I need to. I need to move forward in life. Forward with myself. I need to stop wasting my time playing small because it’s not serving anyone. I know I’m lucky to be able to do this — play and be on the outskirts but guess what, it’s not that fun and it’s not leading to sustainable feeling of content in my life. It’s leading to a life of complacency and okay-ness. Which is also fine, it’s just no what I need to do right now for myself.
Updates to come on this week’s fear challenges…
