The next time you find yourself saying “he’s just so weird” or she’s so annoying” or whatever it is you’re doing to talk shit about someone to avoid your own discomfort of being, you should also add at the beginning of that sentence, “I experience______”. Now instead of accusing and judging someone as a “fact” that is set in stone, you’re saying “I experience this person as annoying” and allowing them to have the freedom of JUST be annoying to you. Instead of marking or labeling a person as bad or good, black or white, you’re actually inviting other opinions.
This goes for not only judging another person of course, but of all things. Topics, news, events, social gatherings, restaurants.
It may not seem like language matters this much, but when you state something as a fact, others don’t have as much flexibility and aren’t encouraged to have their opinions as accounted for.
Another reason this language shift is important because we SHOULD be taking responsibility for the way we see others. And things, and places, and experiences. They are coming from OUR unique mind and OUR unique experiences and so, by stating our opinion we are marking our psychology onto something. Imprinting another “thing” with our own impression. We should take responsibilty for that impression and the impact it has on those around us.
Well, you might say, “but everyone can form their own opinoin regardless” and while that’s true, it’s not as likely. We’ve seen so many psychology studies where the participants go along with what the “in group” says or does in order to fit in. In order to conform to the norm. As much as we like to think we’re original and pave our own way, we’re also pack animals and have a strong desire to be liked and celebrated by the majority. It’s what has kept us here and together for this long.
What’s important about this language shift, and about taking responsibility for ourselves is that it gives others a chance to form their own opinion, and it gives us a reality check on where our mind is at.
If we think someone is annoying, we should be reminded that it’s not as though that person is inherently annoying (I‘m sure many find this same person pleasant), it’s that WE find them annoying. It invites a level of self reflection “well, why DO I find this person annoying?” Instead of taking the easy way out and writing that person off.
Notice the habits our your life, your surroundings, your language, your behaviors, how the people around you talk about others. It’s something that gets overlooked, but that makes a big impact on our psyche and ultimately, our mindset.
