I had a meeting earlier today and I walked in feeling a lot of shame. Not because of something at work, but because of the environment I work in. I work in the mental health field so, the first thing we do at the start of each meeting is share our feelings.
Today, I didn’t want to share. At all.
Resistance. Resistance. Resistance.
I met and acknowledged this resistance. I tried to be compassionate, to allow myself to feel that, and also know that I had to share.
Still, though, I felt shame. I withheld from speaking for as long as I could, until I ended up being the last one in the group to share.
Eventually, I started talking. The shame continued to bubble up, resting in my throat and chest area. It felt brutal to be exposed like that. I felt every inch of fear in the room.
After about a minute of talking, I stopped. I said, “finished!” as if it was some sort of cooking show with a competition I was about to win.
But I was done sharing. That was enough. I wanted to redirect all the attention onto the next thing. We’re done.
So with that, we continued on with our group. We talked about other things — our clients, the parents of our clients, the usual.
As we continued talking though, I noticed something within myself start to shift. My body felt energized, my mind clear, and my spirit freer. A huge sense of relief washed over me.
This is the point of sharing, I think.
As we went about the meeting, I found myself really focusing on what was going on around me. I was able to pay attention to everyone as they spoke, to ask insightful questions, and to actually gain value from our time together.
I had moved on from what was bogging me down.
Sharing is a release. A release of doubt, shame, and insecurity. A release of anything and everything that keeps us away from spirit.
Secrets and shame are only a big deal if we keep them to ourselves. When we invite them in and share them outwardly, we begin to open up channels within our own being that allow us to see things more clearly.
We share, not because the stuff we’re sharing about, but because of how that stuff affects our being, which is the most precious thing we have.
I felt an extreme sense of shame walking in to that meeting today. A huge sense of doubt, of not good enough, of fear.
I heard that now and I think, “but why?”
It was never my stuff to begin with.
When I shared, a part of me awakened. It felt grounding, energizing, and empowering, all at once.
This is how we connect. This is how we reenergize. This is how we flourish.
The shame we feel is temporary.
The potential we have is infinite.
I’ve decided that I will no longer shame shame. It only leads to disconnection, self hatred, and dullness. Sharing does the opposite. Sharing leads to connection, love, energy, and ultimately, to spirit.