The house I built seems like it’s never going to be finished. There’s always something that needs be to fixed — a crack in the ceiling, a hole in the wall, a door that needs repairing. It’s hard to keep up. One thing after another.
The goal for the house is this: to be stable yet malleable, inviting, yet, not too permissive, adaptable, and yet consistent. Simple goal, I know.
I should preface this first by telling you about my inspiration for the house.
I recently finished the book “Untamed”, a wonderful memoir written by Glennon Doyle, my latest muse. While reading the book and learning about her “spiritual awakening”, I discovered a fire in my soul that, for a while, I’d mistaken for a mere spark.
I was captivated by the way Glennon ferociously questioned all aspects of her life. After reading it, I thought to myself, “why hadn’t I thought of that?” That was the question that hurt the most — that it hadn’t even occurred to me to question some of the most important aspects of my life. I abandoned myself, and I didn’t even think it was a problem. In realizing this, I broke down more than I’d like to admit.
That book was a wake up call. I made some gigantic, yet not so obvious, changes after reading it. I started to re-evaluate what I wanted instead of following other people’s footsteps. I started building my own house.
Quickly, I panicked — building my own house requires a lot of responsibility. Who will be impacted? What will people say? Would I be prepared to show people my house without sounding flakey or unsure or even scared of it?
How do I even build my own house?
Eventually, I came up with some answers—
- Understand the WHY — what is the purpose of the house? what is the purpose of each and every piece of furniture and appliance that sits in the house?
- Decide where you want to build the house — what is the foundation of the house? is the soil fertile? is there enough sunlight? are the seeds and weeds and roots getting watered enough? are their flowers nearby?
- Help other people fix their houses — help your friends pick out their decor, their furniture, their overall “style”. help them generously, and without some fixed agenda. notice what you like about their style. notice what you don’t like. it’s through serving others that you’ll find what you’re looking for.
The house I’ve built is not perfect and, I have a feeling that it’s never going to be. There are things are all over the place. The kitchen is a mess. There are cracks in the ceiling and stains in the carpets and when something finally comes together, another thing breaks.
I’ve accepted this, so, rather than looking at all the broken pieces and seeing failure, I’ve decided to look at the things in the house I’m most proud of — the garage door that senses my arrival and opens up at exactly the right time, the chair that looks so cozy and warm and inviting that just by looking at it, I feel held, the book shelf that holds such a wealth of knowledge and information that it makes every guest curious to know what’s inside, and the picture frame that sits right on my bedside table, having the ability to capture some of my biggest and most intense experiences, and put them into a tiny, square box for me to remember. For these things, for this house, I am grateful.
