Trust

I’ve worked hard at becoming a certified yoga instructor. 5 years ago, I enrolled in a difficult program where I was evaluated on my teaching performance each week by one of the least yogi yoga instructors I’d ever met. She was harsh, controlling, and extremely critical. Just what I needed, but most definitely not what I wanted. It took a lot of time, effort, and patience for me to get to where I am today in terms of my teaching abilities.

Right now, I’m subbing classes at multiple studios in New Jersey. I’m constantly ‘on call’ to teach, but don’t have a specific time slot just for me. There’s an uncertainty about it. If I get called in, I’ll have to drop my plans and head right to the studio, without any time for preparation. It makes me a little uneasy, thinking about getting up in front of strangers, with absolutely nothing prepared.

But, as much as I’d like to, I can’t sit around all day anticipating whether or not I’ll be called in, so, I think about what I can do. What I can do is deepen my own practice. What I can control is my practice of going inward. For me, this typically comes in the form of a 10–60 minute asana practice, followed by a seated meditation. And weirdly enough, each time I make the decision to deepen my practice, I’m called in to the studio to teach. This is just coincidence. Maybe, probably.

What’s not a coincidence, however, is the way I show up when this happens. When I take the time to go deeper into myself, when I create space for myself, I show up for people in a different way.

With perhaps all of the odds against me, I walk into the studio with no plan, no sequence prep, no music, no nothing, and I’ve done it. I’ve given a powerful, transformative class. Not by worrying, anticipating, or prepping, but by becoming. Doing the work instead of planning for it and as a result, seeing the energy I’ve cultivated ripple out into the classroom. Inner work creates outer shifts.

5 years ago, I was given the proper training to become a qualified yoga instructor. I’ve been evaluated many times over for me to get to the point to where I’m at today. I’m sure I have the capabilities to teach a good, and safe class. The rest is simply trust.

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